Not even a month into the New Year and already we have been faced with our first challenge.
My endometriosis is back...
That means no chance of miraculously falling pregnant naturally. I know I said that we are taking a break from baby-making, but at the back of my mind I guess I kinda hoped it would happen naturally, while we save for our next IVF.
We have been to see an Endo specialist and he has suggested that I go on the pill, to keep the endo under control until we are ready to do another Laparoscopy. I have no intention of having another op any time soon. In fact, I am probably going to wait until August, when my new sick leave cycle kicks in at work.
I guess with the combination me being on the pill, my Endo being back, and us standing no chance of falling pregnant naturally because of it, we are FORCED to just forget about having a baby.
My question is....
IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE???????
I know I have said in previous posts that I understand that I have no control over what is or is not meant to happen in my life, and that I am happy to leave it in God's hands and just move on with my life, but how do I do that when it is all I think about.
One minute I think I am over it and I am just going to get on with my life and forget about it, and not even a second later, I am obsessing, once again. My poor DH. I think he is starting to get really annoyed with me, but honestly, I can't help it. I feel like a complete failure not being able to give him the family that I know he so desperately wants. The family I so desperately long for. My heart aches every time I think that there is a chance that I might never be able to have a baby. I know we will still have a good life together...that won't change, but how do I come to terms with it. Do I start preparing myself now? Or do I hold on, with all my might, to the glimmering hope that has gotten me through the past year.
I wish there was a guide that I could follow that told me exactly what to do and how to feel.
I can't do this on my own....
No comments:
Post a Comment